Let It Rest

“Never let it rest, ’til your good is better and your better is best.” – Tim Duncan

“Best” is a relative term. It’s tough to quantify.

Most days, I can roll out of bed, jump in the shower, get myself ready, prepare breakfast and lunches, get everyone else ready, packed up and to school, get myself to work and be productive in my role, breeze through pick-ups, clean, do laundry, make a respectable dinner, accomplish a half-way decent bed time routine, parcel out time for myself to be active, tick off an intention box in my planner and still have time for reading or writing and maybe even say hello to or – on the really good days – have a halfway decent conversation with my husband without so much as a sigh of exasperation. On those days, where there is little conflict, or even if there is but I am able to manage it gracefully, and I can accomplish at least 90-95% of those things, I feel I am at my best. Maybe not vacation-on-a-beach-with-a-live-in-nanny best, but average-day-as-it-currently-stands best.

My “best”, however, is simply as good as I can be, and that fluctuates. On days like today I would opt out of it all if I could, and bury myself into my pillows and blankets and just sleep until I wake up tomorrow. Today, my best is decidedly pretty lacking. I’m battling a head cold, I’m uninspired, unmotivated, lacking energy – creative and otherwise – and I’m kind of angry about it. It’s not my best in comparison to other days by any means, but it is the best that I can give today, and today is all we’ve got, therefore it is still my best.

Isn’t that really all we would ever ask of anyone else? Placing too much responsibility or expectation on ourselves, feeling guilty that we can’t out-perform every single day, leaves us burnt out, bitter and irritated. Some days, our best just comes more easily.

I have found that fighting these sorts of feelings is pointless, and likely further detrimental to my mood. We have to accept that bad days will happen and give ourselves a bit of grace; take a breath, and recognize it for what it is. For me, when these sorts of swings occur, regardless of relying on my gratitude practice to help see me through, there is no amount of positive thinking that could change it. I know that it will break at some point, so I have to acknowledge it, accept it, and move on with my big, dark gray storm cloud as my companion.

Today, everyone got the best that I could give. It wasn’t at the level that my best was yesterday, it likely won’t be the level that my best will be at tomorrow, but today it’s what I’ve got.