Category: Mindset

Target Practice

Welcome to 2019.

Is it just me, or is it already louder this year? While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s great to see motivation and energy around positive changes, I recognize that you might be feeling a bit inundated with messages, workshops, blogs, stories and memes about goal setting, planning, preparing.

Perhaps you’ve shut down and aren’t accepting any new information and that is OK. Sometimes, it can all be too much, and knowing when to step away is valuable. If you’re feeling that way, maybe bookmark this and return when you want.

If you’re not feeling overwhelmed with the messages about preparing and going into 2019, I pre-planned this content, and stayed the course on sending it out because I believe there is value for someone here, so I hope you take something away from it.

It involves getting quiet, so maybe if you’re one of those that is feeling a bit deafened by it all, reading on might help. No hard feelings if not.

Anyhow, considering this is the first day of the New Year, I wanted to give you a look into how I have cultivated my approach to being more intentional with my time and my goals. The tools that I have laid out below helped me move from a stuck, overwhelmed, developmentally sedentary and discontent life into feeling more fulfilled, intentional, successful and mindful of seeking growth.

The YearCompass

If you’ve followed me for awhile, or perhaps since the beginning, you know what an impact the YearCompass has had on me. In 2016 I discovered this free printable workbook and I have utilized it every year since.

The workbook is divided into two parts; the first twelve or so pages help you reflect back on the previous year through questions and bullet point lists. The last eight pages ask questions about the year ahead. It allows you to envision what you want out of the next 365 days.

It involves a few hours of reflection, to look back, and then a few hours to visualize and look ahead. I have broken this up over the course of several weeks in the past, considering that a day to sit with yourself is a rarity for me and I assume for most of you. Actually, to be completely transparent with you, the first year it took me a few months to get through the workbook. However, completing it at any rate was valuable, and a catalyst that helped me propel myself forward. I was grateful that I stuck through it.

I have shared my completed YearCompass pages with my small Accountability group, which has been powerful. I reflect on it over and over throughout the year. Which leads me to the next tool in my arsenal.

The Planner

There is an overwhelming amount of every different type of planner one could imagine out in the world, and everyone has their recommended favorite; each of us uses a planner a little differently. In the past I have struggled to find one that I can commit to using throughout the course of an entire year, however one in particular worked really well for me in 2018 and I purchased a 2019 version as soon as it was released. The Ink+Volt company has a number of pretty, wonderful things, but their Planner Series is among my favorite (I think this is where I need to mention that this is not in any way a paid or sponsored post, I just really, really like this company and its products).

The Limited Edition Series comes in a few really fun colors. This will be ironic to those who know my penchant for “color”. My 2018 Planner was gray; a shock, I know. There will be one person in particular who will be happy to know I chose the lovely Spruce option this year. Wild.

Aside from it being aesthetically pleasing, this particular planner charts the months and weeks in a logical flow and in such a way that reminds me to reflect back on my weekly, monthly and yearly goals. For me, keeping the important things top of mind is a practice that I am still not very good at, so having the prompt to review, and then break down my goals into actionable steps into a month or week to incorporate into my weekly schedule is extremely beneficial and resource-conserving.

Ink+Volt also sends free worksheets, updates their social with great content, examples of real people using their planners and how-tos, sends motivating thoughts via email and does an overall awesome job at keeping me aware of the things that are important. I appreciate the extension of their product and company in these ways that makes the planner even more useful.

I know of five women who have and love their Ink+Volt planner as much as I do; three are also repeat purchasers (and it is no small coincidence that it is also the women in my Accountability group who have completed the YearCompass with me) and the two others found this planner in time to purchase for 2019.

Resources

Of anything this year, focusing on consuming books and podcasts helped encourage new ideas and thought processes. My Amazon cart and library card have been well used. I set a goal at the beginning of 2018 to read one non-fiction book a month, and while I don’t know that the timeline fell quite so neatly, I succeeded in reading twelve of those books this year.

The shift in my commute once we moved provided ample time and space for podcasts, and I have listened to hours of insightful, inspiring, intelligent and sometimes just humorous interviews.

Gratitude

I’ve written an entire post about my gratitude practice, so I won’t go into detail, but I would be remiss if I didn’t at least mention it here. It reshapes and improves my perspective every single day.

I use these things listed above as tools to create the space and time to sit and quietly connect with myself, my goals and who I want to be; to chase new ideas, expand my thinking, and retrain my habits.

They keep my intentions alive every day when, if I let it, life would have swallowed me whole.

If there is no target to aim your arrow at, there’s no sense in even picking up the bow.

bow, arrow, target, goal, planning, sky, water, archer

 

 

Hanging Art

wall, construction, work, suspended, labor, building, erecting

When we build walls, when we close doors, when we shutter windows, we feel safe.

We construct obstacles that feel necessary to keep out what we don’t want in.

We spend time crafting and constructing the walls; they take time and energy. They can become quite ornate.

Over time, the walls become familiar. We forget that they are there. We’re comfortable and acclimated to our surroundings.

We’ve painted those walls a beautiful color; we’ve hung pictures and artwork on those walls.

It was once about protection, born from necessity, preventing the outside from getting in.

But we also stopped wondering what else, besides that which we feared, we were keeping out.

Playing Dodgeball

I am not a person who accepts compliments or praise easily.

I shrug, turn away, side-step, back pedal. I refute, toss aside, downplay, deflect to someone or something else.

What is it about compliments that causes us to duck? Why does praise for our accomplishments make us want to bob and weave like we’re avoiding getting hit in a round of dodgeball? We might be able to volley compliments like champs, but when one comes our way, we scatter.

Complaints or faults on the other hand, we fall all over ourselves to outdo each other.

It’s not necessarily that the compliments are untrue; the validity of the statement bears little on the reaction. It’s that we never allow ourselves to applaud ourselves. Most importantly, we never allow ourselves to do so in front of others.

It’s become almost an art of sorts, how good we have become at deflecting.

We could have done it better. We should have done that one last thing. We really meant to do this, not that.

We are not special. We are not worthy. We wouldn’t want anyone to think that we might feel that we’re superior, that we’re self-important, conceited, entitled, or proud.

God forbid we might make ourselves proud, right? How dare we accept that maybe, on some days, in certain situations, we’re pretty great. That we actually did a good job at something.

What in the actual hell.

If I overheard one of my daughters being complimented on an accomplishment, and she downplayed it, or worse, did not genuinely acknowledge someone acknowledging her efforts?

I would be on fire.

Why are we so damn afraid of being proud of ourselves? When did receiving a compliment with grace become a bad thing? Why are we afraid to admit that we might like ourselves? That we feel like we did a damn good job at something?

We try really, really hard to make ourselves small, to diminish ourselves.

WHY?

Because it’s the honorable thing to do? For WHOM?

I want to be proud of my work. I want to be proud of my accomplishments. I want to be happy with myself and my efforts. I don’t want to make myself small, and I sure as hell don’t want to lessen my achievements.

We work hard. We put in a tremendous amount of heart. We deserve to step up and take the damn applause.

So do me a favor. The next time someone compliments you, and it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you want to turn away, or deflect, or play it off…don’t. Simply say, “thank you.”

And practice saying that, every single time, until acknowledging someone for acknowledging you is no longer uncomfortable.

uncomfortable, hiding, shy, woman, eyes, shielding, deflect, compliment

 

Writing in Pencil

There have been several significant times in my life where I have had to make the decision that I wasn’t traveling down a one-way road, writing in permanent ink. I have found myself in situations that were built upon my own decisions and choices, and because of those decisions and choices, I was resolute in seeing them through with little regard to how congruent they felt.

I believed I had written my story and was fated to simply see it through until I hit “The End”.

I’m a bit stubborn like that.

On those one-lane roads to lord knows where, I also had moments where I pulled over, looked at the map a bit differently, and found there was another route. It was rarely well-paved, or well-lit, but paid out tenfold in the experience I gained in learning to navigate.

I realized I had a completely new chapter to write.

The value is rarely in the ending; the real worth is found along the way. And it might be that a new route takes you to another you never would have found yourself on if you hadn’t veered off in the first place.

We’re all just telling ourselves a story. We become quite well-versed in what we think the next page should say, and often times we just keep writing the same chapter. But what if we challenged the writer? What if we asked ourselves to write bigger, write bolder, write more intentionally? What if the story was happier, stronger, more confident? What would we write then?

I want to encourage you to write. But don’t stop yourself from writing for fear of starting the wrong chapter or concluding with the wrong ending. Don’t limit yourself to writing small. And when you get to a place in your story that doesn’t feel right, never be afraid to start a new chapter and change your course.

Nothing is permanent. We’re all just writing in pencil.

pencil, notepad, writing, drafts, stories, erasing, starting, beginning, new, paper

Getting Called to the Mat

When you find your voice, you’ll have to decide to use it.

When you find your voice, and you decide to use it, you’ll inevitably find others who have something different to say.

When you find your voice, and you decide to use it, others who have something different to say will challenge and criticize you.

When you find your voice, and you decide to use it, others who have something different to say will challenge and criticize you, and you’ll have to defend it.

And it likely won’t do anything to change their minds.

But…

When you find your voice, and you decide to use it, you’ll find others who share your thoughts or are inspired by them.

When you find your voice and you decide to use it, you’ll find others who share your thoughts or are inspired by them, and you will support these people.

When you find your voice and you decide to use it, you’ll find others who share your thoughts or are inspired by them, you’ll support these people, and they’ll support you.

When you find your voice and you decide to use it, you’ll find others who share your thoughts or are inspired by them, you’ll support these people, they’ll support you, and those who haven’t yet found their voices might just find the courage to build theirs.

Your voice is your passion; it comes through in many different forms. It will work for you in different ways, if you let it. It will challenge you. It will challenge your perceptions and your views. As you grow into it, it will strengthen you. Things will grow from it.

Growth comes from challenge. Power comes from growth.

When you’re called to the mat, you have three choices: step forward, stand still, or step back. There will always be critics in the ring. You have to choose who your voice matters more to; those who are simply loud for the sake of being loud, those who are there, saying nothing at all but listening, and those who raise their voices with you.

wresting, ring, mat, knockout, man, match

Practice Makes Perfect

practice, piano, playing

On September 14th, 2017 I started a daily gratitude practice. Every day since, I have celebrated at least five things that I am grateful for.

I’ve written about my gratitude practice before, but the truth is, I still feel a bit awkward talking about it. It’s a complete one-eighty from where I came from.

I’d be willing to bet that a few of you will stop reading right about here, and that’s OK. It’s like anything else; you have to experience it for yourself to see the true value in it. But, gratitude isn’t a quick switch. It’s a gradual progression.

I have celebrated over 2,000 things that I am grateful for since I started this habit and it is easily one of the biggest shifts I have made to improve my mindset, ever.

While gratitude enhances the things I am already inherently grateful for yet often overlook, the real gold in this practice is found on the difficult days. The perspective that it gives me in challenging situations, and the shift that I have witnessed on more than one occasion in those who are involved in my gratitude project with me, is remarkable.

I try my best to weave gratitude into my days; there are those days where this is certainly easier than others. I take notes throughout the day to reflect on at night, when I compile my list. It’s the best punctuation on any given day, but especially for the less than ideal ones.

Find a reason to be grateful. Find several. Don’t just cherry pick them, although some days you will find that you must; dig in and find the good in the challenging.

It’s there. I promise.

 

Passing Go

monopoly, passing go, playing, board game

Two months ago, I jumped into a fitness challenge. I joined a gym with a three-month commitment. I signed up with a team, forcing my hand in accountability.

I have never belonged to a gym; my experience has been, at best, an intermittent affair with the gym at work. I have never taken fitness classes. I have never lifted weights with any real intention or direction. I have never shared space with people who push themselves so physically.

Up until about two weeks ago, I was the only person, and in some cases the youngest person, in my classes using pastel dumbbells; the 2, 3 and 4 pound weights. Week after week, in a series of movements, there were my two pastel dumbbells in a sea of black dumbbells in the mirror reflecting back at the class.

To say I have pushed myself out of my physical comfort zone would be an understatement. Not only was I in a new environment, I was carrying around the symbol of a beginner, and – in my head – the symbol of someone who is weak. There were moments where my internal critic’s shouts echoed off the walls of my own head, mocking me, trying to make me uncomfortable. That’s her job after all.

Without that discomfort, though, there wouldn’t be any growth. Without pushing past that unease, there would be no success, no fulfillment, no satisfaction of accomplishment. And that critic, the one telling me that I was weak, that everyone was judging me with those pastel dumbbells as not working as hard or pushing myself enough?

She was full of shit.

The truth is, no one gave a second thought to me and my pastel dumbbells.

There aren’t any pastel dumbbells in the mirror that belong to me now, but I will be the first to encourage and applaud the woman who walks into the next class and picks them up. That is, if I even notice her; what I have realized is that the serious ones, the ones who are working the hardest, are wrapped up in their workout and focusing on one thing: themselves.

Everyone who is inspiring you to grow started somewhere, were beginners at some point. It takes courage, self-worth, self-value, and passion. It takes believing that the journey is better than any momentary discomfort. It takes grit. It takes keeping your focus and your energy in your own lane.

And it takes being able to step out of your own comfort zone and tell your inner critic to take a muzzled seat.

I launched this blog after thinking about it for months. I consumed a variety of opinions on what a blog should look like, how a blog should be managed and found that there were already plenty of people talking about the things that I wanted to talk about. I could have worked myself right into inaction. This blog isn’t perfect, there are people out there doing it better than I am, and I’m happy with that because if I had waited until it was perfect I wouldn’t be in this space at all. I’m here and being in a space where people are doing it better than I am both pushes me harder and assures me that I have room to grow.

If my value in this space was wrapped up in other people’s validation or approval of it, I’d be doing it for all the wrong reasons. I’m here for me. I’m here for the women who have reached out to let me know that my words have had an impact on them.

Without starting, you’re only guaranteed one thing: you’re not going anywhere. Your internal critic doesn’t want you to pass go; she is extremely comfortable and content with where you are. She wants you to think that it’s everyone else that you have to prove yourself to. She’s banking on your not being able to overcome the discomfort of judgement.

One of the most fulfilling actions you can take is the first step in proving that she’s wrong.

Noise

jason-rosewell-60014-unsplash

There’s a lot of noise out in the world. Today especially.

Everyone is trying to be louder than the next.

Social media feeds, Instagram stories, Facebook lives, radio, TV, podcasts, books, magazines, articles, blogs.

Whose noise are you listening to?

Perhaps a better question is, what’s it doing for you?

 

Survival Mode

There is some sort of twisted satisfaction in doing multiple things simultaneously, in serial multi-tasking.

“Look at me, I can do five things in the span of five minutes, all while doing this other thing over here.”

It’s an addictive habit. There’s a sense of accomplishment in the number of things we can do. The hours in the day are numbered, and if we can get through this checklist (and add things just to check them off to make ourselves feel even more accomplished) we’re “successful”.

But, successful at what?

If you’re multi-tasking at two things, you’re giving fifty percent of your energy to each thing. If you’re working on dinner, running a load of laundry, helping your daughter with her homework and scrolling through Facebook, you’ve dropped to an attention span and energy level of twenty five percent for each task. If you’re consistently operating at less than one hundred percent in everything you do, you’re skimming the surface.

You’re in survival mode; meeting the barest minimum requirements to keep your head above water.

water, hand, drowning

Survival mode is not sustainable.

For a time, it might feel like you can operate at a sprint, accomplishing everything you need to, valuing the completion rate above the quality rate, but burnout is inevitable; it shows up in the form of sickness, a lack of energy, frustration, anger, irritation.

Sound familiar?

It’s not all about time management, it’s also about energy management. When we’re trying to fit so many things into our day, and the focus becomes how much more we can accomplish, the important things like connecting with our families, chasing our passions and taking a breath every now and then to connect with ourselves becomes an oversight, or – even worse – an inconvenience.

The meaning is not found in the “doing”. Overloading ourselves with doing lends a false sense of importance and value to the superficial success found there.

Take inventory of your days. Are you consistently pushing your energy into the busyness of life? Are you spreading yourself thin by over-committing, holding expectations of yourself that are perhaps too high, feeling guilty or as though you are a burden if you ask your spouse or a family member to shoulder some of the load so that you can carve out some time for you?

Stop. Start with this.

How do you want to feel?

And then start building your days around that feeling.

Not sure how to get there? Start saying no. Start prioritizing the things that matter to you. Delegate a task or a chore. Outsource the work. Ask for help.

You’re more valuable to everyone when you’re not worried about keeping yourself afloat.

Direction

Compass, wood, direction, path

There are times when I feel a bit lost in the pursuit of growth. The more podcasts, articles and books I consume, the more ideas I am given.

Note that I did not say, “the more ideas I have.” There is a difference.

There are times when the waters that seemed so clear become muddied.

Seeking inspiration, knowledge or education is not in any way a bad thing, but without a solid foundation you can lose your voice when you’re relying too heavily on external direction. By listening to every message, trying to apply what works for each person that inspires you, and following the path that this woman took or that man followed can lead you to a junction at the intersection of lost and confused.

To help mitigate the noise, I have been journaling more lately; sometimes I write around a certain topic or idea, and sometimes it is more a capture of a stream of thoughts. One of the more clarifying topics I’ve been focusing on is who I want to be in five years, when I turn 40. Envisioning that woman – who she is, what she values – holds power and importance to me. It has helped to identify the goals I want to pursue and how I want to pursue them.

A step in the journaling process that has helped me define the woman that I am becoming is in defining my core values.

In order to know what you want to chase, you have to know what is important to you; you have to have a good handle on what you value.

You might think, “Well, that’s easy, I know what’s important to me.”

But do you, really?

If you don’t know your values, you are more apt to vacillate between options, to become torn between decisions. You’re more apt to make decisions that don’t align with the direction of your growth.

For example: You’re invited to go out Saturday night with a group of friends. You know that you want to get up early and have a productive Sunday. The arranged time to meet is later than you’d like. You know the invitation comes from a good place, and you’d actually like to get together with the group.

If you don’t have your personal principles in place, you’re more likely to fold.

And then, when Sunday morning rolls around, you sleep in. You crawl out of bed with a headache. You got in much later than you would have liked to, you had one or two more drinks than you would have normally, and as a result you have zero ambition.

Worse yet, the guilt creeps in. You start beating yourself up for being weak, having no resolve, not being as productive as you could have been. The inner critic starts chirping.

Having solid values established allows you to gauge your response to any situation to align with what you ultimately believe is most important. Making time for your friends can be important; building community and connection could be a core value you honor. Does it, however, come before a promise or commitment you have made to yourself? That depends on your hierarchy of values.

For instance, in the example above, weighing your decision against your core values would have better aligned your response to the invitation. If your higher core value is connection, community and friendship, you wouldn’t necessarily have felt so guilty the next morning. Or, you might have recognized that, while there is importance in those values, committing to yourself is of utmost importance; you might have suggested an alternate time or plan. You might have agreed to go out, but not been swayed from leaving early or having only one drink. Or, you might simply have said no.

I have a friend who does this admiringly well; she communicates her values, and those closest to her respect this. Those that don’t she has had to learn to give less energy to; ultimately, they don’t have her best interests at heart.

Creating core values creates a hierarchy of decision-making and refining tools, and depending on what your core values are, every decision you make is either working towards or against who you want to be. Basing your decision-making process on your core values allows you to create goals that resonate with who you are.

Defining your core values can be more complicated than it may seem on the surface; they may be buried under years of conditioning, of upholding the values of others, of trying to meet certain standards or fitting into a certain mold.

Distinctly defining your core values can help you focus, cut through the noise, and ultimately choose the voices that definitively align with helping you grow and be successful in your pursuits.

 

 

 

 

 

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